I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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