Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
