Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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