party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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