Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
