She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
