Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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