Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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