no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning