I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.