I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.