she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore