Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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