Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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