I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
