Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
