I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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