I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
