youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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