i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
