he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
