I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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