We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
