He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
