She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
