It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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