drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
