Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need moral support for this bender
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
