Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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