i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
