I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Rumble strips road head = magical
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
