Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
