wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found the puke drawer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
