At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
