i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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