I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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