Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am midnight drunk by noon
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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