you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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