Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am available for nakedness
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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