you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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