I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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