At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
