I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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