I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
