I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will be naked everywhere
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
