Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
