Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
