are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
