I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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