The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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