could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
