after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
