In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
