Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
