just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
