"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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