he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
