i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
