two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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