I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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