Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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