is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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