they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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