i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
