actually, I'm a sock model
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
