Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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