Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
