I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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