She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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