Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
